frightfiction Chapter 255 Flower of Heart
Chapter 255 Flower of Heart
Hua Rong paused, his heart was touched, he seemed to have never thought about this matter, and murmured: "But I think what's the use?"
"Why didn't it work?"
Hua Rong thought for a moment and said, "Others will only praise you if they see that you are good-looking, and will be more willing to interact with you and treat you well."
"So, what you want is actually something other than appearance, right? You want to exchange your appearance for them." Zuo Xiuyan said slowly.
Those oil paintings are the standards that Hua Rong sees in his heart. He wants to put those looks on his own face, and it seems that he can get out once he finds the most suitable one.
And everything she experienced in the hall was the pressure, malice and harm she faced in society.
"You want to be this person's beauty, and you also want to be that person's beauty. You don't seem to be picky about types, as long as they are beautiful. But, everything is fine, but nothing is fine. You will never be satisfied."
"Because appearance will never give you what you need most, and it won't last forever."
Hua Rong lowered his head and his hand slid down a little weakly.
"Are you worried about your appearance? That's just appearance."
"Deeper still, you're afraid of being laughed at, you're afraid of being disliked, you're afraid that no one loves you."
“Is it beauty you want?”
"It's actually care and tolerance, praise and affirmation, and a sense of security."
Zuo Xiuyan looked at Hua Rong's face that was constantly changing shape.
The other party desires to be able to change constantly, even the eyeballs can be replaced, so the body is made of plasticine and detachable glass beads.
This is the actualization of her consciousness.
But what about her original self?
"You abandoned yourself."
Hua Rong slowly raised her head again, and she even forgot to cover her face.
"Rather than others being dissatisfied with you, it's more about you being dissatisfied with yourself. You can't accept yourself and think you're not good enough."
"You focus your inner dissatisfaction with yourself on your appearance. Because it is visible. It is the easiest to see and the easiest to compare."
Hua Rong's heart suddenly ached, and she recalled every time she appeared in front of the mirror.
She had looked at the person in the mirror countless times. He looked rough and dark, dull and sluggish, ordinary and boring.
Like a puppet.
Hair, eyes, nose, lips, chin, teeth...
That's terrible. That's terrible.
Countless words came out of her heart, as if a layer of gray cloth covered her again.
The waist is too wide, the legs are too thick, and the stature is too short...
Yes, not only am I not as good looking as others, my figure is not as good as others, my income is not as good as others, my ability is not as good as others, I don’t have this, I don’t have that…
Seeing a little bit of bad will involuntarily make people see more of the “side”.
They were like madly spreading black, infecting everything.
The longer she looked, the more suffocated and powerless she felt.
Looking at myself in the mirror, endless fear surged into my heart.
She looked away immediately.
She didn't dare to look, and was disappointed every time she looked.
The self in the mirror looks like a dead body.
"You are denying yourself. Every time you look at her appearance, you deny yourself." Zuo Xiuyan said softly.
"You don't accept who you are now, and you want to separate yourself from yourself."
"Every time you deny it, you kill yourself."
"And you kill yourself over and over again."
All the monsters with broken bodies in the garden are Hua Rong.
She did not accept her facial features and she hated them. These inner self-attacks made her "bloody".
And how could this idea be limited to the face?
She hated everything about herself, so naturally her body was full of holes.
More importantly, she denies her own existence.
The inner self of a person will of course try to save itself, and a new "self" will always appear in the heart to fill the gap and make her feel good.
However, new injuries continue to occur.
Just like that, life and death.
In fact, this negative power of death far exceeds the positive power of life.
Like a bottomless pit, it kept swallowing her.
Does a person's heart really have so much power to regenerate itself?
What will happen when it reaches its limit?
Hua Rong's hands trembled slightly, and then her whole body began to tremble, and she hugged herself tightly with her arms.
She felt as if a countless chill was sweeping over her, an inexplicable force was tearing at her throat, her whole body felt as if it was being cut by a knife, and she felt sore and weak. All the suppressed pain came back.
"Before others say anything to you, you have already said it to yourself countless times in your heart. You are already covered in bruises." Zuo Xiuyan said with some heartache.
Hua Rong used more and more force with her hands, and at this time she heard the scream in her heart.
Am I really not worthy of being liked?
Do I really not deserve affirmation?
Am I really that bad?
...Am I really not okay?
Full of grievances.
These questions are not directed at others, but at herself.
She threw herself into darkness time and time again "with her own hands".
That inner self might be far more helpless than she imagined.
“To judge yourself by external standards is just to treat yourself as a commodity. Objects will naturally be divided into good and bad according to certain standards.”
“Obviously a person has done nothing, but once the standard is put in place, he or she is inexplicably deemed inferior and wrong.”
This is the saddest thing.
“Those external things are only a part of you, but they cannot represent the whole of you. You don’t need to use them to judge yourself.”
"You are a human being. Because you are a human being, everything you do is right."
"Just like the flowers all over the mountains, they are in various shapes and forms, and each flower is unique. They are never divided into high and low. It is people's vision that divides them into different levels."
"If you live according to the standards given by others, you will become a vassal of others. Do you really need to live the way others see you?"
Hua Rong looked at Zuo Xiuyan and shook his head slowly, his voice trembling: "I don't want to live for others."
Only then did she understand the most fundamental thoughts in her mind.
It turns out that I didn’t want to become someone else.
She gradually realized: "I just... want to make myself better."
Zuo Xiuyan looked into Hua Rong's eyes and said word by word with his most sincere emotion: "Every life is unique, and no one can replace you."
"No matter what you are like, there is no one else like you in this world."
"The way you are is the best way for you."
“You are the best and the most precious.”
“You are good, not because of what you have done or become, but because you are good.”
Hua Rong was stunned on the spot.
She slowly lowered her arms, as if a warm breeze suddenly blew away the coldness in her body.
This was the voice she longed to hear in her heart.
That's the sound I need.
She had never said this to herself.
“What you need most is yourself.”
"You can give yourself the affirmation you need."
Zuo Xiuyan pointed to the left side of his chest and said, "The flower and medicine that can change you grows in your own heart."